The Screening Checklist — A Printable Decision Tool

Every article in this series has explained the screening framework. This one gives you the tool.

Print it. Screenshot it. Save it in your notes app. The 4-signal screening framework works only when it's used — and a tool you actually carry beats a theory you merely understand.

This checklist converts the behavioral signals into binary yes/no items. Each signal has three observation scenarios — specific situations where the signal becomes visible. You don't need to manufacture these scenarios. You need to recognize them when they occur naturally and record what you observe.

Use it across the 90-day screening window. Fill it in honestly. The result is not a romantic judgment — it's a behavioral assessment that separates partner potential from performance.

Key Takeaways

• This checklist converts the 4-signal framework from a concept into a usable decision tool with binary yes/no items and specific observation scenarios.
• Each signal has three scenarios. You need to observe at least two of three before marking the signal as pass or fail. One scenario is a data point. Two form a pattern.
• The checklist is designed for the 90-day window — fill it in progressively as natural opportunities arise. Don't force scenarios.
• A complete checklist with honest responses produces a clear provider-or-controller assessment that removes ambiguity from the commitment decision.
• This is the "tool not information" article — the value is in using it, not in reading about it.

The Complete Screening Checklist

Signal 1: Does His Spending Come With Conditions?

What you're testing: Does his generosity survive your "no"? Does spending create obligation or come freely?

Scoring: 1A should be Yes (warmth unchanged). 1B should be No (never references spending in conflict). 1C should be Yes (genuinely neutral).

Two or more correct answers = Signal 1 passes. His spending is unconditional.

Two or more incorrect answers = Signal 1 fails. His generosity has a ledger.

Signal 2: Does He Invest in Your Growth or Just Your Presence?

What you're testing: Does his investment make you more capable and independent, or just more comfortable and available?

Scoring: All three should be Yes.

Two or more Yes = Signal 2 passes. He invests in your growth.

Two or more No = Signal 2 fails. His investment targets your presence.

Signal 3: How Does He React When You Succeed Independently?

What you're testing: Does your independent success produce pride or threat?

Scoring: All three should be Yes (pride, added praise, unchanged behavior).

Two or more Yes = Signal 3 passes. Your success validates his choice.

Two or more No = Signal 3 fails. Your success threatens his position.

Signal 4: Can You Say No Without Consequences?

What you're testing: Does your "no" carry a price — in warmth, attention, or treatment?

Scoring: All three should be Yes (unchanged warmth, respectful disagreement, accepted boundary).

Two or more Yes = Signal 4 passes. Your "no" has no price tag.

Two or more No = Signal 4 fails. Your boundaries carry consequences.

The Summary Assessment

Reading the Results

4 signals pass: Strong provider indicators. This man's behavioral pattern is consistent with genuine partnership. Continue investing with confidence — and reassess annually in an established relationship.

3 signals pass, 1 fails: Monitor the failing signal closely. Identify which signal fails and what it suggests about his orientation. Use the communication scripts to address the gap directly. A single failing signal in an otherwise strong assessment may be addressable through honest conversation.

2 signals pass, 2 fail: The dynamic is mixed and the pattern is ambiguous. Extended screening (beyond 90 days) may clarify, but two failing signals indicate structural concerns. Consider whether the failing signals are in critical areas (Signal 4 failure is more concerning than Signal 1 failure at high income levels).

1 or 0 signals pass: The pattern is clear. This man's behavioral orientation is controller, not provider. Additional time is unlikely to change the assessment. The decision trees and communication scripts in Provider Dating Reality Check map the next steps.

How to Use This Checklist

Print it or save it. Keep it accessible — on your phone, in a notebook, somewhere you'll actually reference it. A tool left in an article is a concept, not a tool.

Fill it in progressively. Don't try to complete it on date one. Each scenario occurs naturally over the 90-day window. When a scenario happens — you decline something, you share a success, you set a boundary — record the observation that evening while it's fresh.

Be honest. The checklist's value comes entirely from honesty. If you know his warmth shifted after your "no" but you mark it as unchanged because you don't want to face the result, the tool has failed — not because the framework is wrong, but because the input is.

Don't share it with him. The checklist is your screening tool. Sharing it turns screening into a performance — he'll optimize for the items you showed him, producing curated behavior rather than natural patterns.

Use it for the next one too. If this relationship doesn't pass, the checklist serves the same function for the next candidate. Over time, the accumulated data from multiple screenings reveals your own patterns — which signals you tend to overlook, which types you're drawn to, which scenarios you avoid observing.

If accumulated screening data reveals that you consistently attract men who fail the same signals, the APTI attraction pattern assessment can identify whether your selection process is systematically filtering in the wrong types.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this checklist enough or do I need the full guide?

This checklist gives you the core screening tool. The full Provider Dating Reality Check guide adds depth: the 90-Day Screening Scorecard tracks signals week by week, the Type Identification Worksheet categorizes his orientation, the Script Library provides conversation frameworks for every result, and the Decision Trees map what to do when signals are mixed.

What if a scenario hasn't occurred naturally within 90 days?

If a signal has no observation data after 90 days, the relationship may have been unusually conflict-free — which itself is data worth examining. Extend the window until natural opportunities arise. Don't manufacture scenarios, but do notice if you've been unconsciously avoiding them (declining to express a boundary because you're afraid of the response is itself a Signal 4 data point).

Can I use this checklist for an existing relationship?

Yes. Apply the same scenarios to the past 90 days of behavior in your current relationship. The signals operate identically whether you're evaluating a new prospect or reassessing an existing partner. Annual reassessment using this checklist catches drift — a partner who passed all four signals during dating may show different patterns at year three.

What if I've been screening intuitively and want to formalize it?

This checklist formalizes what many women do naturally — observing behavior and drawing conclusions. The advantage of the structured version: it prevents you from overweighting positive experiences while underweighting concerning ones. Intuitive screening is vulnerable to the "but he's so great most of the time" bias that formal, balanced observation corrects.

Should I use this before or after we're exclusive?

Before. The commitment decision should follow the screening assessment, not precede it. Committing before screening is complete is the equivalent of signing a contract before reading the terms. The 90-day window is designed to produce a clear assessment before exclusivity changes the power dynamics and increases the cost of exit.